La Cucuracha

So last night I was laying in bed having a little trouble falling asleep which was weird because I was super tired. I just continued to feel "not right" so I went and checked the door locks...again...locked. Checked the IRON on the counter to make sure it was off...cuz you know I was IRONING at 10:30, seriously. Then I spotted it. The COCKROACH. That's right, I obviously have some sort of 6th cockroach sense. So we're talking a light reddish color, 5-6 inches long... ok maybe more like 1 and a 1/4 inches. This was no infant roach though. He knew exactly what he was doing there. After I vomited in my mouth a little, I went into action.

Now, gratefully we are more of a "cricket" house- which are also nasty in large numbers and we thankfully have had a total of (counting this one) 3 cockroaches in our house in the last 3 years. So I know, I know, I really can't complain-especially to you "scorpion houses"... but I absolutely hate cockroaches. Uugh, shiivvver. They are probably at, or near the top of pretty much everyone's list of nastiness too. I don't expect any comments saying how "cute they are" and that you are "opening up your own home as a cockroach "half-way" house for those who have are living on the streets". Even just thinking about them makes me squirm and pull a face. sick.

Anyway, my first thought was- smash it with my broom, but that was a "no go" because I would have had to pass within a forbidden 3 foot radius of the cockroach to get to my broom, and I wasn't going to risk "a runner" getting away. So I went for the shoes. I threw like 3 shoes at it-from a safe distance of course, hoping to at least mame it, but it scurried under the china hutch. So then I did the only thing any loving mother protecting her family would. I pulled out my beloved and trusty DYSON. I love this vacuum. I'll admit, it was a splurge after years of poor to nonexistant vacuuming, but it was worth EVERY SINGLE PENNY. Now, it did cross my mind that it was 12:34 in the middle of the night, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. It was either- turn on the vacuum and risk waking everyone up or let the little nasty thing lay baby cockroach eggs all over my laundry room, which would be the beginning of many years of throwing up in my mouth and fighting the cockroach army to get my house back. choice made. So with one quick swoop I sucked up that nasty ol' cockroach before he even knew what hit him, or sucked him in this case. Then I did the victory dance in my underwear while I let the vacuum run to make sure he was good and dead.

I went back to bed, feeling gratified and ready for a peaceful slumber. My hubby asked: "why did you turn on the vacuum?" me: "I had to suck up a huge cockroach". hubby: "oh cuz it was going to attack you?" me: "yes. I'm so glad we both see the severity of the situation." hubby: "good job". me: you'll think twice when next time I just let it live, and it crawls into your ear while you're sleeping, and lays it's little nasty baby cockroach eggs."

oh, he'll thank me then.